I’m Back

Hey Internet!

I still exist.  And I’m here because I’m starting a new project.

Have you ever seen Brad Neely’s brilliant “Wizard People, Dear Reader?”  If not, check out a piece of it here:

The Cribbage Match

Basically, I want to do the same thing.  Create an alternate audio track.  During Stampede, to avoid the heat, we sat in the basement a lot, and we watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  And I want to change all the words.  I just need to do a few things.

1. Script a very long movie

2. Synch up the timing with the action on the screen

3. Buy the audio equipment to produce the script

4. Figure out how to work the audio equipment.

5. Record my super long script.

6. Produce it

7. Distribute it

8. Repeat 2 times.

So let’s see how this goes…


Published in: on July 16, 2012 at 5:22 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Been A While

Sorry to all those faithful followers who have been waiting to hear from me.

I recently started a new job.  It makes me much happier, and an aspect of that is that I don’t spend so much time feeling unfulfilled.  I don’t have a head full of blogs I want to get out, just to be part of the world.  I know I”ve been neglecting this blog, and I’m going to commit to having something up here bi-weekly.  Or fortnightly…  which means every second week?

For this weeks pleasure, I want to let you know about The Late Late Breakfast Show Moustache Ride.  It’s on this week, from Wednesday, August 24th to Saturday, August 27th, with shows each night at 8pm.  Friday has an extra show at 10.  It’s at the

I mostly want you to come, because I’ve got a script in it, and I think it’s awesome.  Other people are involved, and do good things, but let’s focus on me.

Published in: on August 21, 2011 at 1:22 pm  Leave a Comment  

The End of PTP

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you probably know my PTP project, where I’ve been posting bits of my novel here to generate interest and criticism.

It didn’t work.

The novel segments had the lowest hits of my work.  It didn’t generate interest.  People didn’t read it, didn’t favour it, didn’t comment on it.  Obviously, it doesn’t belong in a blog.

I’ve individual blogs that have more hits than the entirety of the novel.  I know why too.  People don’t come to the internet to read serialized novelization.  It’s not what I do.  I don’t read anyone elses work like that, and I’m not surprised they don’t read mine.

This doesn’t mean I’m not still working on it.  I’m just not putting it here.

I also have a better idea.  One that will generate traffic.  The only thing is, I doubt this is the right audience.

So I’ll probably start a second blog, that’ll be related to this one, but have different content.  It may mean I take one of the updates away from this blog.  It’ll likely mean this one goes to Tuesday and Thursday, and I’ll do the other on Monday.  I haven’t decided.

The idea for the new project is to analyze video games like literature.  Short articles, using the skills from my English degree, to go into the plot of video games.  There’s a lot of reviewers out there, but they talk about if a game is good or bad generally.  They don’t look at what the characterization means, what themes are explored, what’s being said or not said. 

I think people would read that.  I think I would love to write that.  So I’ll be looking at doing that.  I’ll let you know when a final decision is made.

Published in: on February 21, 2011 at 12:00 pm  Comments (2)  

Why I love WordPress

This is the third home for my blog.  I started on MySpace.  This was in the Long Ago, the before time.  In those day, MySpace wasn’t something to be embarrassed about.  It was actually cool.  Good bands had cool music for free.  I met some really awesome people, and even agreed to meet some of them in real life.  I started blogging there, and used it for most, if not all of my time in Japan.

I really liked it.  I got to see how many people were reading each blog, and a lot of the friends I made on MySpace were because I wrote there.  I wasn’t making music, but it set my page apart.

This was, remember, before Facebook was open to everyone.  You used to earn your way into Facebook.  You needed an email address from a recognized school back then, and University of Lethbridge had just made the list.  My social life was more strongly based out of work, and not everyone who worked at the restaurants that employed me were students, so they could get a MySpace, but not a Facebook.

Facebook wasn’t social enough for my social networking needs.

But slowly, MySpace began to change.  Even if you weren’t a band, you could put a song on your page, and they were always too loud.  When you got to a new page, your first instinct was to find the music player and mute it before you had to hear their profile song.  Then  came the code.  You could go to a side site and get a code to spruce up your MySpace.  It would update the background, and while it could be done tastefully, like on my MySpace, most people did a gaudy mess of glitter, like Lady Gaga vomit.

I’m not going to subject you to glitter text.

Then the people changed.  You stopped getting messages from people who thought you were cool.  If a cute girl sent you a message, she was no longer someone who liked your writing.  She was a cam whore who was trying to get you to sign up for a pay service.  Bands no longer cared what you liked.  They sent you friend requests to boost their fan numbers, and hoped you clicked it by accident.

So like everyone else, I moved to Facebook, who by this point had opened their doors to everyone.  But Facebook notes didn’t meet my blogging needs.  So I checked out a few sites and tried their technical aspects, and found I liked writing on Live Journal most of all.

While I enjoyed their technical aspects, I didn’t research the community enough.  I didn’t find out until I had been there over a year that the site was associate with angsty emo poetry by fifteen year olds or Harry Potter slash fiction.

No thank you.  I already have a Deviant Art account.

Then I found WordPress.  It’s technically superior to Live Journal, helps drive traffic, and most importantly, has better statistics than MySpace ever did.

I know that the searches that bring people to my blog through Google are “Tony Stark Beard” “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Comic”, “Jessica Alba fake nudes” and “Rachel McAdams”.  It’s good to know what you’re known for.


Joey was looking at his stats to figure out what you like in his blog.  If there are types of blogs you like more, let him know in the comments, or send him a message.

The Girl on The Train

I have a weird social anxiety that people who know me don’t realize I have.  I need a set relationship to talk to someone.    If we’re just strangers, I can’t start a conversation.  I know that’s stupid and crazy.  I know that I’m not disturbing people by speaking to them, but if I need to know the time, I’m more likely to go into a store and buy something so I can ask the clerk than to ask a person at a bus stop.  

It’s weird in the ways it doesn’t show up.  I have no problem public speaking.  I’m more comfortable before an audience of hundreds than a single stranger.  I can do my job, which involves speaking with customers I don’t know all day long, because we have a set relationship. 

To meet new people, I generally need to lamprey onto an extrovert. 

It's an unpleasant image, I know.


If I have that back up, someone else to say the first word, to start the conversation, I can join in.  That’s why I need Tall or Lina in new social situations.  Once they break the ice, I can plunge into the frozen lack below, but I can’t do it myself. 

Which isn’t helping me right now, as I write this.  I’m on the C-Train with my Black Book.  If you’ve never been on a C-Train, there’s two types of cars.  One has a bunch of seats that all face one direction, like a school bus, where you stare at the head of the person across from you.  Then there’s the ones I call picnic cars.  The benches face each other like this: 

Three sets of these on either side of the train


It looks like you’re facing each other, and you’re going to set up a picnic between you.  All that’s missing is the table in the middle and it would be like your grandparents camping trailer.  The awkwardness right now comes from the fact that only a mostly empty train, I’m sitting here: 

I'm brunette, so I'm brown in an overhead view.


And this really cute blonde girl came onto the train and looked around.  There were completely empty sets of picnic seats, and she completely ignores them and heads for mine.  This obviously  means she’s into me.  The only problem was I had no extrovert here, no Tall to start up the conversation.  I’m on my way home from work, and I haven’t had a chance to drink yet, and my social anxiety kicks in.  Then it gets worse.  See, normally, when you join someone on a picnic seat, you sit opposite of them. 

Kitty corner, maximum distance from train strangers


But this girl doesn’t seem to know the etiquette, or is so into me she doesn’t care.  She sits here. 

As close as she can get.


The diagram doesn’t really do it justice.  She was trying to cuddle.  She really wanted to sit in my lap, but I had this book out, so I was writing away.  

How could this happen today!  The one day I don’t drink at work!  How am I supposed to talk to her?  I’m on my own, she came to me, she came right for me!  Does that mean we have a set relationship?  Can I do it?  Can I talk to her, dead sober, on my own? 

Of course I can!  I’m amazing!  I’m such a cool guy!  I’m internet famous, with literally dozens of readers on my blog everyday!  I talk to hundreds of people every week, so why can’t I set a relationship, instead of walking into a predefined one?  In fact, there is one here!  This cute girl defined the relationship as cool writer guy on the train and cute girl who wants him!  There’s no way she thought it would be normal to come sit right next to me!  This is Canada, and we have nothing but open space, so she obviously wanted to get all up in mine so I would get all up in her. 

Then she pulled out this: 

I don't know if it was actually Spanish


A foreign language dictionary.  Great, she just doesn’t know our customs. 

Or she’s learning a foreign langauge…. 

Now I’m trying to lean over without her noticing, figuring out what language it is.  I can tell by the type of book what it is, but I can’t see if it’s German, or French, or Japanese.  Those are my ins.  I have enough of those languages that it counts as a set relationship, whether she’s a tourist or a student.  

Fuck, woman, just let me see your book! 

This is getting ridiculous.  Why am I still writing?  Why can’t I talk to her?  For fuck’s sake, it doesn’t matter what language the dictionary is!  Hell, I could just ask her.  Just say “What language is that?”  I’ll be able to tell if she speaks it or if she’s studying it when I ask.  If it’s one of my languages, I’m golden. 

I tried it, just now, but it quickly became a cough. 

Now she seems weirded out.  Why don’t I have a flask on me?  Just a quick shot, just a little buzz that I can blame if I screw up!  Why is this happening to me. 

Fuck, Tall, where are you?  Why aren’t you here?  If I text you, does that count?  Do I have the power to talk to the girl then? 

It’s hard to balance the book and text.  I elbowed her a little.  Not inappropriately.  Now Tall isn’t texting back.  WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU? 

Why is this going so badly?  Why can’t I handle this?  This is a normal thing!  Normal people do it all the time.  We’ve been sitting together for twenty minutes now.  Is it too late?  Why don’t I just talk to her?  Why am I still blogging. 

We’re downtown now.  She’s getting off at the first stop. 

Thank God that’s over. 

Wait a second … 


Joey would have you believe he’s suave with women, as he’s surrounded by beautiful girls all the time.  Women constantly fall in love with him on the train.  He’s usually not interested in them.  This girl was special, but that’s not a good thing.

England Bound

I recently check myself, pre-wrecking myself, and realized I had come down with a bad case of wanderlust.  While I enjoyed my trip to Portland immensely, I felt the need to go somewhere further, maybe more exotic.  I need somewhere where they don’t speak English, or at least sound funny when they do it. 

England should do the trick.  I mean, have you ever seen Little Britain?  Those accents are wacky! 

What my research shows me average English people are like.


So using no small portion of my charm, I convinced Gilly she should put up with me for a week.  She has a poor long-term memory, and hasn’t read this blog where I mock the English yet, so I’m golden.  Hopefully, if she does read this when I’m there, she doesn’t kick me out.  I probably shouldn’t antagonize her, because some longtime readers will remember Gimtmbifhbsic.

It shouldn’t be a problem.  I’ve played a lot of video games.  A large portion of them take place in worlds where everyone fights with swords and a windmill is the height of technology.  In those games, everyone speaks with an English accent.  Based on this wealth of research, I’m forced to conclude that people who speak with English accents are technologically inept, and electricity hasn’t been invented in England yet.

The same research shows that the Scottish are dwarves.


The internet doesn’t work well without electricity, and without knowing when I’ll have access, I can’t ensure my blog schedule will be met. 

But you, dear reader, you need me.  You need something to read in a little window on the corner of your desktop when you’re supposed to be filling out TPS reports. 

With cover sheets, of course.


WordPress to the rescue!  Using their pre-publish feature, I’ve set it up so it will be like I wasn’t gone.  In fact, if you’re reading this, I’ve already been in England for two days. 

Updates will go up as regular, but it’ll be mostly backlog ideas, and more restaurant reviews than normal. If you leave a comment, I won’t be getting back to with my usual lightening speed, because I’ll be doing English things. 

Research suggests it'll probably be things like this.


Then I’ll come back with all kinds of amazing England stories. 

Unless a Dragon eats me. 

… or if Gilly reads this…

Mini Blog: The hardest part

The hardest part of blogging is to keep doing it.  Seriously, I don’t want to write this right now.

I’m not going to be able to write for the next week or so, so I pre-wrote all the blogs I’d need.  But I still need todays.  I’m tired, and I don’t have enough sleep.

But if you’re a new blogger, let me tell you, you should keep going.  This isn’t my first Rodeo.  When you miss an update, people aren’t pleased.  If they haven’t been reading for a long time, you can easily lose them.  A blog without an audience is just a journal, and I’m not a thirteen year old girl, so I don’t keep one of those.

A dependable site keeps it’s traffic up.  Everytime you miss, you’ve made a mistake.  You lost someone, if not a few someones.  Poeple whould rather read this crap than nothing.

Plus, part of why I’m so tired out is the blogs I pre-wrote are good, and I haven’t had time to recharge new ideas.  So don’t worry, Monday will be up on time.  And it’ll be good.

Unlike this.

(Also, always lie about how good future content will be so people come back)

Published in: on August 20, 2010 at 12:24 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Mini Blogging

About two months in, I’ve finally decided what schedule I want to set for this blog.  I was considering three updates a week, but in order to do that, I would need to spend a minimum of two hours a day writing blogs.  Doing two blogs a week halves that, but it is still two hours of blog work every day.

This is so high because of the quality standard I want to maintain.  The blogs I’ve been putting up are rewritten twice, at the very least, and I need to get the pictures, which sometimes means going back to the place I’m writing about, because I didn’t know I’d need pictures when I was there. 

I don’t have a problem writing that much.  I tend to write an hour or two a day.  The problem is, I like to work on a variety of projects.  In order to do two or three updates a week, the blog needs to be my primary project, and I really really want to finish the first draft of my novel.

So I’ve decided each Monday, I will put up a full blog, like the ones I have been writing.  On Wednesday and Friday, I will mini-blog.  These will be things I write quickly, just to have them out there.  The updates can occur any time during the day, instead of being pre-written to go up at midnight.  While I will maintain quality, it won’t be as high as the official weekly update. 

I may be looking to the news or Youtube for inspirations for these mini-blogs when I have nothing else too say.  If I end up with a big enough buffer on real blogs, full blogs will start appearing on Wednesday and Friday, as long as that buffer exists.  I’ll also put up a real blog earlier if it’s time sensitive, like a review.  Otherwise, they’ll be quick little ones like this.

Published in: on June 9, 2010 at 12:32 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Club Rating System, 5 Stars

I’m about to review a club, and I realized my previous 5 star system needed modification, mostly because there isn’t food in a club, or at least not anything I care about.  So here’s the night club version:

 Drink Star: Basically, as long as I’m not disappointed, you’re going to get this one.  If you don’t water down the fountain pop, and your well vodka doesn’t make me sick, you’ll probably earn this one.  The real risk is if you promise and don’t deliver.  If you have a fancy drink that looks sounds delicious, but comes out crap, you’re risking this star.

 Music Star: You won’t see this a lot, because I tend not to like the most popular music.  A full star means I liked what I heard, and if I wasn’t singing along, I was trying to figure out who it was so I could hear more.  A half star generally means I never had an urge to stab my ears out.

 Atmosphere Star: This star is about how well the club suits itself.  Again, this star is tempered by expectations.  If a place is safe and clean, it’s a half star.  If it’s awesome, with either really cool people and vibes, or some sort of them that keeps me entertained.

 Staff Star:  The staff star is half competence, whether or not the staff is quick, friendly and attentive, and half appearance.  Sure, it’s far to say I’m mostly looking at ladies, because that’s generally the case, and I am more likely to go to a club with beautiful girls selling me beer than attractive boys, no matter how good they are at their job.  That being said, I will let you know if any straight girls or gay boys tell me you need to know about the dudes.

 Price Star:  If the quality of the experience matches the price, you get the price star.  Half star if it’s a bit expensive, but I would still consider coming back.

 Then I’ll total the stars, and give a final rating.  The bottom of the review will list the specific stars awarded.

Published in: on June 6, 2010 at 3:37 pm  Comments (1)  
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Today at work, I got bored.  So I drew this bear.  Then I started sending it to people in emails that said things like “LEONARD LOOK OUT A BEAR!”

Then they would open it and see the bear.  Funny, no?

I want this thing to go viral.  So feel free to copy this bear, and send it to your friends, and warn them to look out.  It’s available above, or through my Deviant Art.  Trust me, everyone loves and fears this bear.

It’s under creative commons licence.  That means you can do whatever you want with it, as long as you don’t charge people.  So if you want to make it better, feel free.  If you want to make a T-Shirt, I’ve reserved those rights for the time being.


I love creative commons.  Since I put his up at midnight, Lina sent me this:



And Leonrd sent me this:


Published in: on May 8, 2010 at 12:01 am  Comments (4)  
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