I only had 10 days in England, and I wasn’t going to lose any of them to jet lag. Since I couldn’t sync my sleep cycle before I left, I decided to try and crash into English time. I stayed up as late as I could the night before I left, planning to coast trough work. I wanted to be completely exhausted, but force myself to stay awake until a proper bed time and then fall to an exhausted sleep when I got to England.
In the early hours of the morning, I was goofing off on the internet when I realized either they changed my flight time or I such at the 24 hour clock, because the flight I though left at 8 pm left at 10. I pretended it was delayed and went through with my original plan. I also decided I need to practice the 24 hour clock. The next day at:
07:15 I showed up at S1`s place. I had bribed her with Crave Cupcakes to take me and my luggage to work that day, and to the airport that night.
How to get your way in one easy step
This plan meant no suit cases on the C-Train, which makes my life easier.
08:00 to 16:00 Apparently I worked, but in a cloud of anticipation, I don`t remember any of it.
16:01 I rushed S1 out of the office.
16:20 We arrived at the airport. I was bouncing around the car the whole way there. I fucking love to travel. S1 stopped the car and I took out my luggage. She hugged me good-bye, and I was too tired to let her know that we aren`t hugging friends, but that`s generally how people become my hugging friends; someone tries to hug me, I don`t stop them, the world doesn`t end, and it is therefore permissible in future.
That`s not an excuse to try it, S2.
16:31 At Cole`s, I bought the first to volumes of the graphic novel version of Scott Pilgrim. The girls at the counter ask me if I`ve seen the movie. They`re almost cute, and paying attention to me, which makes them cute enough. I regurgitated this blog. They are entranced.
16:42 I realize I`m holding up the line. I leave. The girls are heartbroken, and rightfully so.
16:51 I head into the Montana`s lounge and get a vodka coke and a chipolte burger.
19:57 I realize I`ve read two complete volumes of Scott Pilgrim. I settle up my bill.
20:04 I check in using electronic boarding passes direct to my phone for the first time. If you`ve never used one, it works like this; within 24 hours of your flight, you log onto the carrier`s website and put in your phone number or email and booking number. You receive an image of a bar code on your phone, which gets scanned anytime you would usually show your boarding pass.
The woman who checked my bags obviously hadn`t seen a lot of them, because she was confused as to where to write down my gate info. She then realized it was in the text the bar code came with
20:08 I returned to Cole`s to get Scott Pilgrim 3 and 4. Unfortunately, the shift had changed and I didn`t care about the hipster dude who really wanted my opinions on shit. I leave quickly, breaking his heart, and rightly so.
20:12 I tried to go to the B Gate, but it was closed, saying we needed to check through security at gate A
20:15 I reached gate A. With double the passengers, no one thought to increase the staff.
20:17 I realized only one of the metal detectors is open.
20:20 A French father and his four kids lined up behind me. The three sons and one daughter were all dressed in matching pink striped sweaters. Obviously mortified, they decided to raise all kinds of hell to embarrass him.
20:22 By this point, the wild kids were running and fighting and squabbling, and they`ve reminded me of an ad.
A French child screams in the grocery store for bonbons. The temper tantrum gets worse and worse until the kid is screaming on the floor. The camera then looks at the exasperated, end of his wits dad. It’s an ad for condoms. I wish this French dad had seen it.
20:23 I considered offering to slap one of his kids upside the head.
20:24 A kid punched the dad. He slapped the boy upside the head. I suppressed a cheer. The dad tells the kid, in English “Do you want to fight me? Go ahead. You’ll lose.”
20:47 I get called to the metal detector, and rush through to escape the Franco-Hellions.
20:52 The security guards pull the French family aside to check one of their bags. I can only assume the staff planned to punish the father for what he has put everyone through via an invasive cavity search.
21:09 After long consideration, I decided that even at duty free prices, I shouldn’t buy a 2-6 of Triple Distilled Smirnoff Vodka. I was going to the UK, where drinking is like kung-fu — there are many styles, and I go to learn from the masters, not to study the style I use at home.
21:33 Half an hour of peace is shattered when Franco-Hellion family showed up at my gate. They were on my flight. I consider telling the airport security guard that they are a gang of armed drug smuggling terrorists to keep them off the flight.
21:51 Everyone who got on the plane before me misread their row numbers. I forced everyone of them to move, displacing fifteen people so I can sit in my assigned seat. I feel like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, but when no one is in the seat next to me, I became too happy to care.
This is the face of satisfaction at the expense of others.
22:03 I remembered why I love big Boeings. This thing was like a smooth air mall in the sky. There was enough room with that empty seat, drink service as soon as we leveled off, and a little screen that let you chose your own entertainment as soon as the seatbelt light went off.
22:15 After a peaceful half an hour and another volume of Scott Pilgrim finished, I turn on the inflight entertainment system. I watched several episodes of 30 Rock, Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind, some crappy sitcom called Party Down, and fell asleep to Gunless.
Hour Unknown: I felt the plane begin to descend. I failed at staying awake, but it should be middle of the afternoon local time. It was a Saturday. I decided to wake up and find someone to drink with, because that’s how I travel.
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To Be Continued…
Black Book Project 